Are there rabbits in the alcohol?

As Day Four came to a quiet close, I found the time to reflect on my final late shift.  I'd been running around like a headless chicken as directed by the under-management in a vain attempt to find any glaring stock errors before the outsourcing contractors appeared on their magic carpets the following morning at 6.00 am.  I'd got our Henry Hoover dragging his heels behind me and was sucking up enough wood-wool basket filling to pad out a crib for the Baby Jesus.  The UM herself was mulling over the makeup stand, rotating the company's exacting plan by 360 degrees because she couldn't work out which side to start from.  After much exasperation, we decided to put the lipsticks exactly where they should have been after July's refit ... on the other end of the wall.

And in a moment of weakness, she asked if I would miss my job in the Retail Cathedral.  I had to admit that I wouldn't although I will miss her personally, her hysterical sense of the ridiculous and the fact she could sell reindeer poo to the Eskimos; she is also a very genuine person and almost an honorary Raven because of one beautiful incident on Day Three. 

The UM has taken on the onerous task of training my replacement who is definitely not short in the brain department but when tired and with only three days to go, she's had a lot to take in; not only in the noble art of cosmetics sales but also in the composition of our world-renowned products.  Except we'd had one of those infamous Missives From Head Office regarding the alcohol content of our products brought about by the current sensitivity around certain religious requirements.  I usually get around the situation with tact and diplomacy.  When asked "Does it contain alcohol?"
I respond by placing my hands together and trying to look like a chemistry teacher.
"Yes, it does.  But it's not the kind you can drink."  I omit to say "And if you do, it will severely damage your life expectancy."

On further inspection of the memo, it assured us that our alcohol is ethically sourced and therefore giving a 'softer' feeling for our customers' enjoyment.  Shaking my head at the rank stupidity of that remark, the UM instructed me and my replacement that every purchaser should be given the benefit of this information.  My initial reaction was,
"You're kidding me right?"  One look at her face told me she was entirely serious but I had to know.
"Did you do chemistry at school?  Any science ... at all?"
"Not really.  Well ... a bit but I didn't really pay much attention to be honest."

Happily I did but to save time I've nicked the correct chemical formula for alcohol fermentation from the internet.  It is: C6H12O6 --> 2 C2H5OH +2 CO2 + 2 ATP + heat, which demonstrates how sugar, in the form of glucose, ferments into the end product which makes perfume, deodorant, everything evaporate except alcohol-free perfume oil etc.  So, ploughing gently on, I asked the next question with care.
"Erm ... how do you think alcohol can be made 'softer'?  Fluffy even?" Shrugging, she replied. 
"They grow the sugar cane in nicer soil ... maybe?"
"How about adding a bit of rabbit fur to the equation?"
"Maybe ..."  I made her swear an oath over a tub of body cream to remain silent on this secret addition to the formula.
"You won't ever mention this to a chemistry teacher will you? Please?"

Tip of the Blog:  Day Two started well with a trip to the bank for a change run and a good half hour reprieve in the open air.  Bitter experience tells us that calling ahead to Barclay's cuts no ice in the speed department so with time to kill, I watched the tele.  Forget the pristine floor - my beady eyes rested on the sofas in the waiting area and when I got up, my feathers looked like I'd been rolled in rabbit fluff and dandruff.  We've got a Henry if you want to borrow it ...

 Raven