Bubbles of Happiness

So, it's true.  My retail nightmare is finally crawling towards a conclusion of sorts and I have to admit to a small level of 'disturbance in the Force' as Master Yoda would put it.  You see when you resign from a job that's had you in a holding pattern for four years - like a jumbo waiting to land at Heathrow - strange things start to happen and feelings arise akin to euphoria, like little bubbles of happiness escaping to the top of a champagne glass only to be balanced out by a bucket full of panic ever-present in the background.  Every time I try to celebrate my new role with Job2, I'm gripped by a cold shower of anxiety regarding Job1.  Could I be suffering from Survivor Guilt, I wonder?

According to Raven Sandra, who's back in the Retail Cathedral after a period of self-imposed exile, this period of awkwardness will pass in about a month's time along with the desire to incinerate the disgusting tea-towels and disinfect makeup brushes with bleach.  Although she lacks formal medical qualifications, Sandra's confident in her assessment of my mental conflict especially as I've agreed to stay a week longer than is strictly necessary due to a pleading request from the temporary management who said,
"We've got no staff until I've recruited four new ravens, it's stocktake and audit all in the same week and we failed last time, and it will be horrible if you don't stay and help us out of this mess, and we can all go out together before the under-management goes on maternity leave, please ..."
"Oh go on then." I muttered grudgingly.  Personally, I'm pleased for the Government who will have a few less bodies to count into the unemployment statistics.

Putting a poster in the window advertising vacancies draws its own set of weirdos into the store and in 8 out of 10 cases, they've made a beeline for me with a whole heap of questions,
"What's the hours?"
"The Retail Cathedral is open from nine am to nine pm at Christmas and beyond, so it's anything inbetween."
"Would I have to work late?"
"Oh yeah ... but there's more than one role on offer so it will vary." Day to day, week by week, until you go insane.
"Can I leave a CV?"
"No, you'll need to apply on line."  This puts a lot of good people off because it takes ages.
"Why?"
"WHY?  Because your CV may not reflect your real abilities."  Also the law dictates we have to keep them for six months, then the stock room would need to be knocked through into the next county.  That's why!
"Is it permanent?"
"Does it say 'permanent' in the window?"
"Dunno ... didn't read it"  Understandable. I've not read it either.
"Perhaps it isn't then but if you get through the trial period, it may lead to something more permanent.  Oh, and we'd like you to be fully available if possible."
"I'm a student - does that count?"
"Not in the 'fully available' category but you should apply anyway."
"Will I have to wear make up and stuff?" [surely my favourite question so far ...]
"Yes because we are high-end purveyors of makeup and skincare products and your face is our fortune." Please don't look at my ravaged beak today.  I went blackberrying again and am scarred for life ...

And yesterday, one final Princess Pushy marched up to me and asked all of the above followed by,
"Do you know what the pay rate is for these jobs?"
"No sorry, I don't."
"Do you mean you don't know what you earn?"
"Indeed I do." Not nearly enough for all this aggro.  "But I'm not at liberty to discuss it."  This really got her back up.
"Why not?"
"My salary is my business and irrelevant to customers."
"I'm not a customer - I want a job."
"Well why don't you apply for it and see what happens."
"I'm not going to apply until I know what I'll be earning."  And so it went round and round until I was so happy, I went in the staff room and ate a whole bag of bubbly Maltesers. Yum.

Tip of the Blog:  I've added a whole new dimension to fairy cake making thanks to Lorraine Pascale.  Last Monday night, she made an amazing chocolate breeze block and decorated it with a jumbo sharing bag of Maltesers - you know, the one that needs two people to lift it onto a seat of its own in the cinema.  Anyway, I made a batch of Nutella buns and gripped by culinary creativity, blobbed buttercream on the top and carefully placed a chocolate ball in the centre of each. Alphonse in his delight described them later as a plate of 8oobs!  I'd like to post a picture for you but I've just eaten the last one ...

Raven